It’s been about 4 months since I updated. I’ve put in a lot of hours ‘working on myself’ and It has made a lot of difference in my life. Fellow Adult ADHD’ers have been a help realizing I am not alone in this journey so I want to share how this diagnosis has made such an amazing difference in my life.

First of all, it feels like I woke up from a dream and my life just started. In terms of the ‘me’ that has always been here… part of my brain has either been asleep or a jumble of wires (electrical impulses) that short circuit constantly. (this is why ADHD is considered a Brain Disorder………..not a mental illness…by definition a ‘brain disorder’ is “any condition marked by disruption of the normal functioning of the brain.”

After my ‘awakening’ 6+ months ago, I have done several things to understand and live with this disorder and I will try to share some of these in this post. The time I put into this has untangled my brain and allowed me to function at a much higher level than I feel I ever have. While I am not and never will be ‘neurotypical’ like most of you that may read this, I am closer than I have ever been. Part of me mourns the past years of my life not functioning at the level I could have been, I am a new person who tries to always live in the moment and plan for the future while realizing there is only so much of it I can control. But I am controlling what I can and controlling my brain has been a definite GAME CHANGER!

What causes ADHD? ADHD has many causes. Among these causes are: ” 1) familial: ADHD often runs in families; 2) abnormal brain development; or 3) brain injuries occuring before, during or after birth.” ADHD was the first disorder found to be the result of “a deficiency of a specific neurotransmitter — in this case, norepinephrine — and the first disorder found to respond to medications to correct this underlying deficiency. Like all neurotransmitters, norepinephrine is synthesized within the brain.” The replacement of this norepinephrine has been instrumental in being able to notice the difference in my life and confirming that this is a physical, not a mental problem. Like all physical problems, ADHD effects your emotional and mental health. For instance living with ADHD causes OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), which in turn causes GAD (general anxiety disorder), which leads to depression. I have learned girls and women can slip through the cracks on being tested for brain disorders and just being treated for the symptoms of OCD, GAD, and depression as mental illnesses. What this means is you are constantly treating the symptoms without treating the root cause of the symptoms. Norepinephrine to an ADHD sufferer is like insulin to a diabetic, chemotherapy for a cancer patient, anticonvulsants to an epileptic patent and so on. All I have to do is not take my medication for one day to realize how difficult completing daily tasks are without it.

Symptoms return immediately (even with constant cognitive therapy) without norepinephrine replacement. Such as:

*Behavioral: hyperactivity, fidgeting, impulsivity, irritability, risk taking behaviors, or lack of restraint

*Cognitive: difficulty focusing, forgetfulness, lack of concentration, problem paying attention, racing thoughts, or short attention span

*Mood: anxiety, boredom, excitement, or mood swings

*Also common: depression, learning disability, or sleep deprivation

Since I embarked on this journey last fall to advocate for myself and find the help I needed my life has become much more manageable. I can finally define my goals and dreams (which I never had before) and devise a plan to achieve them. When I look back, it can be a bit devastating to now notice my behavior when I was exhibiting the above symptoms…. I must have been much more difficult to live with than I ever knew (sorry husband, children, parents, sister). I have to focus on the here and now to keep the quilt at bay and just do something each day to repair the damage my life incurred before I knew ‘what was wrong with me’. Because yes, there is and was something wrong with me. Issues I thought were just ME and not fixable have suddenly become fixable. Thru reading, audio books, therapy, medication, and reaching daily for my higher power I have a ‘Doable Daily Plan’ to achieve peace, health, and success. I eat much healthier and have eliminated alcohol, most processed and fast food. One of my July goals is to implement daily yoga/pilates. Realizing the things I am good at and the things I am not have been huge in overcoming this disorder. I have finally learned to not be afraid, embarrassed, nor carry a sense of guilt to ask for help in the areas I am not strong in. This has afforded me the ability to concentrate on the things I am good at. I have always been told I am intelligent, creative, caring, fun loving etc but never really saw all of this in myself. Now I do, I can organize my thoughts and concentrate on these things and get help for the things that are not my strong points. Before I couldn’t focus on a plan to do this.

I am most definitely NOT where I want to be but more importantly I am most definitely NOT where I was!! That is what I concentrate on today. I know I don’t ever want to go back to stumbling through life like I was.

I am not going to proofread for spelling and grammatical errors because this was written from the heart and I feel I am edit out some things that represent this. If you need to reach out to me personally my email is laurie6320@gmail.com. I am happy to share this journey with you 🙂