That’s an interesting question. It’s little over 2 weeks since I wrote my first post. If we rewind back to a few weeks before my first post & I was ‘officially’ diagnosed with Adult ADHD. Which I had jokingly suspected for several years but when I asked to be tested for it about 3-4 years ago they gave me a test that really measures ‘brain performance’ or for dementia/alzheimers. Thankfully I passed that but it asked NONE of the questions I was asked on my 2 part Adult ADHD test. Specifically “executive dysfunction due to inattentive ADHD”. It turns out this goes greatly undiagnosed in women and young girls due to the way it presents differently than boys/men.

So I began on this journey to ‘fix’ what I had always just considered to be my Character flaws. Well I was off to a great start, things in life started to come together a bit more easily when you face your shortcomings and realize only YOU can do anything about ‘fixing’ them. That’s where I made my first mistake. I am considered Neurodivergent, not Neurotypical. Neurodivergent is defined as ‘an individual who has a less typical cognitive variation such as Autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia etc.’ In layman’s terms ‘”there are some things that neurotypical people just know or can figure out and that neurodivergent people may need to have a model for.’ In other words I am now trying to come to terms with the fact that I can’t be ‘fixed’. Which is hard when your personality type is fixer, pleaser, etc. I thought ‘I know what’s wrong with me now. I’ll FIX it and then I’ll be NORMAL. Problem solved…..right? Wrong!! So I go barreling ahead in life like I’m ‘fixed’ but I’m NOT so I start going about life as I am NORMAL but I am NOT. So now I have to STOP and SLOW DOWN and learn ‘coping skills’ because I am NEVER going to be ‘fixed’. Two steps forward and 1-2-3-4 steps backward!

Neurodiverse people may have ‘Autism, ADHD, Dyslexia, Dyspraxia, Dyscalculia, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Tourette’s Syndrome, and Asperger’s Syndrome’ to name a few. Inside that there are different types of ADHD>

‘Three major types of ADHD include the following:

• ADHD, combined type. This, the most common type of ADHD, is characterized by impulsive and hyperactive behaviors as well as inattention and distractibility.
• ADHD, impulsive/hyperactive type. … 
• ADHD, inattentive and distractible type.

While I am more in the inattentive category as I age, I still possess enough to fall in the ‘combined’ category. I never struggled in Elementary school or Middle school therefore it was never detected. However, I DID have ‘Laurie talks too much’ written on just about every report card I ever received. Why did I talk too much???? Because I was ‘impulsive, hyperactive, inattentive and distracted’. “Talking too much, too fast, interrupting” are all characteristic of girls/women who have ADHD instead of the physical signs that present in males. If a girl doesn’t struggle in school, chances are her ADHD will never be detected.

How do women cope when they do not know they are neurodivergent? Well they think their issues are just character flaws they are constantly trying to ‘fix’ and they can’t because they are wired differently in the brain than neurotypical people. So what do they do when they can’t be ‘fixed’? They withdraw, suffer in silence, deal with anxiety & depression and often feel like failures even though they may be very intelligent people. The medical profession most often just treats the symptoms chalking it up to hormones etc.

This is where I am in my journey thus far. I chose to share it with you because there may be others out there like me struggling for their whole life to ‘be all that you can be’ and always falling short based on neurotypical standards. I will share some personal issues I now know were not character flaws or shortcomings, but my ADHD. I want to clarify a misconception…. ADHD is not a physical or mental illness, it is a brain (neurological) disorder. What is a brain disorder:

1. any condition marked by disruption of the normal functioning of the brain.

2. an older term for an acute or chronic mental disorder caused by or associated with impairment of brain function and characterized by mild to severe impairment of cognition and mood.

It cannot be cured (aka ‘fixed’). There is no surgery, no antibiotic. You just have to treat it EVERYDAY with therapy, individual & group, tons of self therapy and maybe medication. It affects every single aspect of your life in ways you can never imagine.

If you want me to continue to publicly document this path I am following let me know with a post or message. It helps to write about it for myself but I only share to shed light on a greatly misunderstood struggle many undiagnosed adults deal with on a daily basis.